One day in 2011, my dear friend (he is also my co-partner of running a new age store in Kuala Lumpur), asking me, shall we go Mouth Kailash, Tibet?
I’m keeping myself quiet, with my mouth shuts firmly like a clam.
Although my mind did speak quite loudly within:
The 2nd thoughts up next.
Of course, besides financial challenges, I’m also losing confidence in spirituality.
He continues with excitement, circumambulating Mount Kailash will wash away the sins (bad karma) of a lifetime and offer protection against evil spirits.
I continue to keep myself quiet.
Yet, my mental body says: I’m not interested, and no mood. It just another human-made spiritual new age fake story.
The emotional body is trying to jump in too.
I feel shame for not being afforded.
I feel shameful of being so broke financially.
The physical body still the zen-like mode seems not to be showing any signs of response to him either.
Without much of my physical response, verbal communication, and interaction with him. He walks away,
Maybe he is too use to it already.
Darreck is just Darreck. He never talks.
That’s what I thought about what he thinks of me.
Around a month before departure.
He cames to me, and said, it’s my gift to you. Let’s go together!
I’m stunned at that moment, and still, speechless.
Yet, I can hear my mind bombarding with countless thoughts.
I don’t want to owe anyone financially; I’m too broke now, I don’t want to give trouble to people. It’s so shameful to accept such a significant gift from people.
Other mental voices chatter up next.
What he is offering to me is so pure and kind.
He wishes the trip can he help me throwing away all my bad luck and start with a clean slate.
Yet, at the same moment, my emotional body, deep down being touched by his kindness.
In my heart, I feel his sincerity and generosity; I can feel he is giving out to me unconditionally.
And my physical body still acts coldly and stunts there, without responding any answer to him, neither reply with a yes or no.
But, he intuitively knew me beyond words.
Silence speaks louder than words. Instead, return with a simple yet heartfelt hug to him.
If other people do not know me well, may think:
Darreck is cold.
Darreck is Mute.
Darreck is Sarcastic.
Darreck is No Manners.
But for him, he knew Darreck is Darreck.