Have you ever seen any of the romantic movies and you are admiring of the loving couples in the movie, able to sustain their love till the end of time?
You might start thinking in your mind, yeah… I hope I am able to have a relationship like that too, able to last forever.
Then you start looking at the real life situation and asking yourself the question.
Does love really exist in this real world? If yes, why do almost all of the relationships that I have heard about have relationship challenges?
I’m sure you have heard the stories listed below from your life experiences:
- My loved one betrayed me.
- My loved one took our savings away and spent them on something or someone else.
- My loved one broke their promises.
- My loved one didn’t support my decision.
- My loved one started to no longer love me; the reason being we stayed together too long.
- My Loved one started losing passion for me.
- I have so much stress coming from my loved one.
- I am scared my loved one will abandon me one day.
- My Loved one always blamed me for being at fault.
- We are always worried about not earning enough to support the family and children.
- There is no freedom in my relationship.
The list can keep going on and be never ending.
For people who are having any of the issues above, the first thing that may come up in the mind is to try and keep the problem to themselves or try to seek advice from trusted friends, family or a fortune teller to find a solution on how to keep the love and maintain the relationship.
In many cases, most of the relationship issues have been left until it is very serious. Usually this is because it is common practice for everyone to avoid the “problem” in the relationship, especially in the Asian culture. It can even be a “face” issue when speaking about this to friends and family.
But when we try to delay and avoid facing it, it can be churning out even more problems and ruining the love relationship further. The list above can be rolling even longer until you lose your focus and become very scattered.
Besides, if we trying to “solve” the list, it is not going to happen because most of the “solution” is not dealing with the root causes. Things and issues may come back again at any time because most of the “causes” stem from inside us. That’s why it became the “effect” on the list which I would consider it as “Being unloved challenges”.
For my suggestion, the first step to get out of the “list of unloved” is practicing Metta, which means “loving kindness”.
1. Metta of Power – Power means to have personal power and will to move out of your comfort zone, have the power to change for the better and have the power to let go of fear and worry.
When you are able to realize that the situation is killing the love you may also feel that it is time to change and “enough is enough.” That means time to move out of your comfort zone. When you are able cultivate the Metta of Power, it also means you are practicing the power of God.
2. Metta of Honesty – Being honest with yourself; from your side, what can you do to yourself to heal and improve the relationship? Do a stock check on your subconscious mind and ask yourself the following questions:
– Is my unconscious self holding any destructive programmings, limiting beliefs and mindsets that I am not aware of?
– Do I have any suppressed emotions that are sabotaging my love for my partner?
– Do I have certain bad habits or practices that are causing me to not be considerate in the relationship?
When you are being honest with yourself and not afraid of your own mistakes, the inner self comes into picture.
3. Metta of Inner Self – It means are you able to express love to yourself first instead of anyone one else in your life. Self love means being able to express love to your physical body, emotional body, mental body and spiritual body.
Because, If you are trying to express love and kindness to others without cultivating love to yourself, the love will not be able to sustain the relationship and will become depleted in no time at all.
4. Metta of Creation – Able to create through the love and creativity power. You may also ask yourself, are you willing to spend time and effort to “create” enough constructive programming and positive beliefs in your mental body.
Are you willing to be “disciplined” enough to express love in your emotional body every day without fail?
Are you generous enough to express the love that you have “created” and share it with people around you, including your loved one, family, friends, colleagues and strangers.
5. Metta of Forgiveness – When you are able to hold love within you, are you willing to use the love to dissolve any energy of unforgiveness within you? Are you able to forgive anyone who is treating you badly? Are you able to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have been made?
The reason why I put the Metta of Forgiveness as last is simply if a Soul lacks in self-love cultivation it wouldn’t be able to fully practice forgiveness to self and others.
Because Forgiveness is one of the types of “Love”.
If you found that the steps above are a bit strange to you and do not know where and how to start, you probably would like someone who is able to help, coach and guide you through the process above. So that you can do it on your own to cultivate love to yourself and loved one.